Crap clients – everyone’s favourite character in the strange slap-stick movie ‘Adventures in Advertising & Marketing’.
Most of us have had one. If you haven’t been unlucky, god-knows there’s enough memes about them.
Ever wonder what they get up to? Me neither. But I thought I’d release this exclusive insight just in case…
06:00 – Wake. Shout MAKE IT POP! There’s no one there, just getting warmed up.
06:30 – Shower. The water is too bloody hot. I guess you didn’t tell the shower how hot you wanted it. Still, make note to review shower provider.
07:00 – Breakfast. Nothing funny here – it’s the most important meal of the day.
07:30 – Dress. Spend 10 minutes choosing which colour tie to go for… I need one that matches my brand you think, as you toss another back into the closet. Make mental note to decide what your brand is. Throw away all ties.
08:30 – Arrive at work. Commute felt short – thank god for Gary V vlogs. Fire a quick email over to the agency folks with a link to the video. You’re welcome.
09:30 – Meeting with the team. Agenda: brand purpose. Good brainstorm session – you work out that you can, in fact, bring people together. Follow up – purchase more stock photos.
11:00 – Coffee. Consider whether the logo on the building could be bigger. Surely, it would make the building better? Idiots. Email request.
11:30 – Send ideas, sketches, body copy, headlines, and more Gary V videos, to the creative team. God I’m helpful. Practically doing their job for them. Celebrate with a high-five with Clive.
12:30 – Respond to the, frankly rude, selection of replies from the creative team. Remind them who pays the bills and how good your ideas were. Turn phone on silent.
13:00 – Lunch. Sparkling water and a ‘Just Cheese’ sandwich. Bosh.
14:00 – NOTHING seems to be popping. Explain this to people submitting work. High-five Clive.
16:00 – Brainstorm a wicked Facebook Ads campaign. Remind yourself to be thankful that no one else has discovered this wicked channel yet. Add 5% of budget to Facebook. 93% – nice.
17:00 – Research signage providers and send updated building visual to CEO. Place order just in case.
18:00 – Ask Clive what he thinks your personal brand could be. Clive reckons it’s something to do with being decisive. Tell him you’re not sure.
18:30 – Home time. Another swift commute – god Gary V is good. Forward a few more links. Ask agency CD why they aren’t appearing in your connections anymore.
19:30 – Dinner in front of the TV. Dinner? Korma. Guilty. TV? Mad Men. Brand = Don Draper. Smashed it.
22:00 – Bed time. Fall asleep reading company brochure. Mental note – we can solve discrimination whilst selling kitchen spray.
Repeat. Forever.
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